Turning

I turned 21 a couple of days ago. I had an absolutely lovely brunch (with mimosas) and dinner with my parents. They splurged on this amazing meal, which was like being in mouth heaven. Oral sex, except not the usual way. Then I went out and did the bar crawl thing, which was fun but not that exciting since it's not like I haven't done it before. Overall, though, I'd say it was one of my best birthdays ever.

It's funny, during life events like that. I only get to turn 21 once, so I'm trying to pay close attention to everything so I can record the experience in my memory. It seems so fleeting, and I want it to last in some way. I think that's one reason I like writing so much. It's a way for me to preserve my life, to draw it out and get as much out of it as I can. Yeah, I only get to live each experience once, but I can rethink them and relearn from them and relive them a little through my writing.

One other nice thing that happened on my birthday was that I ran into a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence. If you don't know who they are, click through and learn about them. They're awesome.

She was one of the only female Sisters, and she carried around a special pot of glitter with, as she put it, "a few special dead people" and some Burning Man soil and other special things in it. She did this little blessing for me in honor of my birthday and glittered me, and it was lovely.

I've been feeling lately like I'm in the thick (you know, slogging molasses thick) of coming of age. I'm right on the cusp of this weird thing, being an adult. I know in a lot of ways I already am an adult, but over the course of this summer I've really started to feel it. It's an odd thing.

People have started to treat me differently; other adults approach me as an equal, not a subordinate. I've started to have different relationships with my parents and people their age. It isn't so much that they're my elders and I must listen to them. It's become a question of respect and trying, on my own, to learn from them. A mentoring relationship more than a parenting one.

I feel a little alone in this transition, though. I don't have any kind of larger community of adults to welcome me into their folds. My closest friends are young; I still haven't successfully jumped the generation gap. I can see now how a faith community would be nice. All those rituals--Bar Mitzvahs, Confirmation, Menarche, whatever--to welcome new adults are really helpful, although they happen a little young. I'm not a spiritual person, but I've been feeling a lack of ritual in my life. Not all rituals have to be spiritual, they can just be about life.

I think I'm going to find a way to create my own ritual. When I'm back at school and surrounded by my loved ones, my chosen family, I want to celebrate adulthood in some way. Anyone have any glowing ideas for adulthood rituals? I feel like the more community input I have, the better.

I'm Watching Jesus Camp For the First Time

Jesus Camp

Now, that link will get you to the whole film. If you haven't seen this movie yet, you should. I prefer to financially support films, books, and music that I like instead of getting them on the internet, but you can make that decision for yourself. If I were you, I'd go rent it, because I'm sure it's better with nicer film quality.

I am so speechless about most of this film. Part of me wants to give the kids a hug, I just feel so bad for them. The emotional blackmail, the guilt that they're put through.

But on the other hand, they are not stupid. Clearly. They speak very articulately and passionately and are so obviously trying really hard to live well. With the information they're given, they are making the best decisions they can. They wouldn't want my hugs. I just can't imagine what it's like to go through life with that kind of guilt, repressing yourself so much.

To grow up like Ted Haggert, who's got a little cameo in the film, and despise yourself, live a double life, oppress people who are like you because you think that you are evil. What that must be like, emotionally. How much pain there must be.

That doesn't mean I like Ted. On one level, I really despise people like Ted, people who press others down. Part of me whats that to be all I feel, as an activist, a humanist. They are mean people, hypocrites, etc.

But I also feel empathy for them. I can't help it; they're living in a hell. Of course, they're trying to force that same hell on other people. For that, I'll always fight them. But I'll feel sorry for them, too.

It starts when they're children, just like the ones in this video. If we feel sorry for the children (who are perfectly capable of thought, simply more open to new ideas and brainwashing because they have less previous knowledge) it makes sense to feel sorry for their adult manifestations.

(P. S. I know it's stereotyping, but after watching good ol' Ted speak for about a minute, I'm wondering HOW nobody ever guessed that he was kinda gay... Just saying.)