**While I'm having sex, I still don't want to hear the word slut directed at me in a way that's connected with shame. Or any other sex negative phrase for that matter, like cock tease or prude (ha, like anyone would call me that). Not only am I not ashamed of what I do sexually, I'm not at all turned on by shame. So trying to invoke that emotion is just kind of weird and jarring and pulls me out of teh sexiness, which I'd rather stay immersed in, thanks.
Tell me I'm such a good slut and so good at sex. Yes, I love to hear that. Please praise me for my sexuality. That turns me on. But don't go to the "you like this so much, don't you, slut?" thing or the "I bet you make all the boys crazy, you tease" thing or the "I'm going to fuck you like a ragdoll, cuz you're a fucktoy for my use" thing. Not my bag.
**I get tested often for sexually transmitted infections and am careful with barrier methods of protection for the sex I have. (Condoms, condoms, condoms! And gloves.) I also have an IUD to prevent pregnancy. Having lots of sexual partners does increase my risk for transmission of disease and unplanned pregnancy, and would increase those risks for anyone on my path. I'm all about sluthood, but it's also important to protect your health. Resources for good ways to protect yourself: Scarleteen and Planned Parenthood.
Websites I Love
Two Caveats to My Post on Sluthood
on Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Labels:
medicine,
sex,
sex-positive,
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slut
On living, loving, learning, and fucking with the materials I've got at hand.
This work by anewparadox.blogspot.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Some of the content on this blog may be unsuitable for those under 18. If you're underage, try Scarleteen.com for info on sex.
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2 comments:
The term "slut" is always a complement except when used in that way.
Even when sombody uses it as an insult they are pretty much just showing jealousy and envy.
I have always admired sluts. The world would be boring without them. Proud, confident sluts are some of the world’s best people. Especially submissive one’s but that is a personal preference. And personal preference is the concept your post brings to my mind.
I respect whatever turns you on and off. I also appreciate the value of positive and affirming sexual messages in society. Messages that affirm women, choice, diversity and sexuality are important. That said, in a mature respectful community, shame and guilt can be delightfully satisfying and arousing for some people.
My female ideal has a black belt, a PhD and is a submissive switch. I like loving sex, athletic sex and wrestling. In the context of a mutually respectful and varied sex life I also like to play with negative emotions. I like to be bad, weak, mean and selfish. Not most of the time and always within bounds but negative emotions are a nice spice.
Partially I like negative emotions in sexual or other role playing because it is the only safe place to exercise those emotions. They are an important part of our evolutionary and social history but have little place in mature, ethical society. But also I find little thoughts in the back of my mind that come out in play and are much easier to laugh at and get past once they are blown up in plain view.
It is hard to find good partners for such play. It is an advanced, tricky and sometimes painful hobby. But if you think of negative emotions and emotional pain the same way you think of physical pain and discomfort I suspect you can empathize. Certainly in the context of supportive relationships and community. Certainly after one has a good healthy psychological base. Perhaps not your cup of tea now or ever but something to be aware of and respect.
Whether or not this topic is too advanced to make good general discussion is beyond my sociological understanding. It might be confusing for people who mostly need to embrace ideas about good, healthy, respectful sexuality. Or like different sorts of pain it may be just the sort of thing people need to understand to find healthy outlets for their natural desires.
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