Women and "Sex"

I'm sure you're all familiar with the myth that women prefer cuddling to sex. I think the biggest reason for that myth is that our cultural concept of sex is so skewed. We consider intercourse the ultimate and often the only sex act. Oral sex, fingering, humping, playing with toys, and a whole variety of other things that get women off (because they involve clitorises instead of just vaginas) do not count as sex to most Americans.

If the things that make women come count only as cuddling, of course they're going to prefer that to "actual sex." Furthermore, if so many people still haven't figured out how to make sex pleasurable for women and just keep ramming away with hard cocks, of course women aren't going to enjoy that.

Everyone I've spoken to who is comfortable enough to masturbate and seek her own pleasure likes sex. Sure, people have varying drives for how often or in what ways they want sex, but if they know how to make it fun, they enjoy it.

Now, I'm not indicting people who have a small or even no sex drive. I don't think that being asexual means you're unenlightened. I'm just suggesting that the only reason it's a gender-specific stereotype is that women require different stimulation for pleasure than is provided in the "accepted" idea of sex. It has nothing to do with their essential nature as a sex.

4 comments:

Myca said...

Not to mention that as long as we define 'sex' as PIV, lesbian women will never have sex with one another ... which seems pretty clearly to be bullshit.

Anonymous said...

No one I know considers intercourse the only, or the most important sex act - women who have this problem should go after men who aren't self-centered sexist assholes.

Paradox said...

Well, you're right about the whole self-centered asshole issue, but I think you'd also be surprised how many people fit that bill.

I've read several studies which surveyed people asking what kinds of activities they think count as sex; I'm looking for them now and shall post links as soon as I find them.

Paradox said...

http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content~db=all~content=a916872797

http://www.springerlink.com/content/l45855g44x813123/

http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/extract/318/7189/1011/a

http://www.questia.com/googleScholar.qst;jsessionid=MRQLGpC6FtkDryL8B9GMpVddF9qR259pF2NnJlpy8y2Jx05JShmm!-1419836203!-1934926494?docId=5002088390

http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content~db=all~content=a918461998

On living, loving, learning, and fucking with the materials I've got at hand.

Creative Commons License
This work by anewparadox.blogspot.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.