Explicitness On Stage

We had an all dancer meeting today in the peep show. We went through some of the obvious business stuff like finances and scheduling issues and dancer conflicts. The most interesting conversation of the day, though, revolved around the explicitness of our stage show.

Where I work, there is a main stage where three to five dancers perform at a time. There is also a "Private Pleasures" booth where a solo girl can give more "explicit" shows to one (or two, if they're a couple) customer at a time. These can involve masturbation or dildos or dirty talk. The customers get to direct the action, and it's a way for a single girl to be more directly involved in a customer's fantasy.

Of course, the existence of this booth means that we need to keep things slightly less "explicit" on the stage show. If we're sitting there with our legs spread and talking dirty to the customers in the one-dollar stage show, why would they pay twenty dollars to go into Private Pleasures?

The problem becomes how we define explicitness. My job is a very cooperative place; all the dancers reinforce the rules for each other and we govern our dancing together. Which means that when we try to define "explicitness" it becomes a long and involved discussion.

It's been hard, as a new girl, to figure out exactly what I should be doing on the main stage. Some of the girls who have been there longer stand there with their feet up on the window, pussy wide open for the customer to practically breathe on through the glass. Other girls barely ever show cunt at all. Some will flash it standing by the mirrors at the back of the room, so you know, it's not like he can see it all that well. During my whole career as a dancer, I've tried to pick up tricks from other girls and learn by example. It's been a little tricky in the peep show.

Seems like the bottom line is "don't show too much pussy."

I like, though, to play the tease. Shocking, right, a stripper who's a tease? It's one of my favorite parts of the job. To get someone so involved in what I'm doing, to watch them be full of desire because I'm not quite giving them what they want. In the peep show I can do it safely, too, because it's not like they can try to grab me through the glass.

So I can play coy with my cunt. In the end it doesn't put me out at all. Once I'm trained for Private Pleasures, I can collect on some of the desire I'm denying. I'm definitely looking forward to playing a more active role in getting my customers off.

Let's Talk About Sex?

I've been porn shopping, again, because my birthday is coming up and if people are going to give me presents, they might as well be X-rated.

The weird, very weird, thing is that I run across a lot of my boss's porn. I mean, yeah, I've known all along that she does porn. She's also got an obvious sex appeal and a lot of what we do at the gallery is based around sexuality. It's just a little funny to read the descriptions of her as product, as sex object and submissive on these porn sales sites. She tries to be very professional at work, and it's a whole different side of things.

I'm a part of the sex industry, through the stripping, and I'm getting more and more used to the idea of sex as a product and a performance. It still makes me smirk and feel a little funny when I see someone's personal attributes quantified for a price. I don't know, it's kind of nice to know people who work in porn and to know them in the context of real life as opposed to just as their porno characters, their sales pitch personae. It's a good reminder that people can be many things at once, even when they seem to contrast.

I think it's mostly weird because people so carefully avoid talking about actual sex and real desire in professional or polite company. It still happens in the sexuality world, which is odd. Yes, we talk about sex in an intellectual and political way and we work a lot with sexual themes or objects or films. It still doesn't seem, though, like people express anything genuinely sexual unless they're mid-act or about to be.

I don't have any conclusions to make about this, but it's a strange observation.

Sexy Clothings

I have decided that I need a Sugar Daddy/Mommy/Friend/Whatever to buy me expensive beautiful lingerie. Because I want it.

That and socks. And stockings. And sexy shoes.

Sock Dreams. Oh, how I love you.

Oh hell. If I had a million dollars I'd have so much hot loungewear even I would not be able to have enough sex to keep up with the costume changes.

Growing Up?

It is the very weirdest thing to be getting near the age some of my teachers were when I was in high school.

I was listening to an old CD from my high school choir tonight and feeling nostalgic about the great teacher I had. He was young, we were his first choir, he was passionate and a good teacher and we did very well as a result. So I looked him up on facebook.

He left my high school a year after I did and just finished getting his Master's degree. I plan on starting my Master's degree in just over a year. I thought back and realized he was 23 when I first had him as a teacher. That's only two years older than I am now.

This is trippy. I mean, I've slept with people who are as old as he is now. Not that I'd ever want to sleep with him; he's kinda floppy, and just not my type. But there are Facebook pictures of him with a girlfriend or whatever. Partying. Etc. It's just like the kinds of things I do now.

I'm at this weird point where I'm starting to interact with adults like I'm one of them. You know, we have things in common, we can talk like equals. I can work for them, work with them, sometimes they even work for me. It's just very odd. And also pretty cool.

I feel like I'm standing right smack on this line between being a kid and being a "grown up." Not like "Oh, I suddenly know everything because I'm an adult!" I think everyone is really a child in the face of everything there is to know and learn in the world. I just feel more adult in the way people see me, the way my interactions with strangers have changed. It's kind of nice.

I Am So Goddamn Horny

I don't know what it is. Some combination of beach, sun, and tons of sex this weekend has gone to my head. I really, really need sex. Now.

Sadly, my fuck friend is elsewhere with his complicated girlfriendly type and I currently have no one to fuck me. Or bend backwards to take it when I fuck them. There's no one here with a cock for me to suck, no one with beautiful breasts for me to play with. No one to tie me down, feel me up, and make me beg. Nothing.

It's quite sad.

On the plus side, I bought a lovely new dildo the other day, which I plan to make good use of this evening. It's soft, purple, thick, and curved. Mm, mm, mm. I have such toy lust. Hell, I have such lust. I just wanna fuck!

Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go fuck myself now. That'll do.
On living, loving, learning, and fucking with the materials I've got at hand.

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