Mish Mosh: Sex, Fire, Feelings, Relationships

I feel very close to people while I'm having sex with them.

I absolutely adore sex. I love nakedness: being naked myself, seeing someone else naked, touching our skins together. I love the texture of skin and hair, I love the heat. It all makes me feel so wonderful, like I'm a hot tub inside, all gurgley and warm, and that kind of happiness makes me feel special and different about my partner. I know it's happy chemicals or whatever released through orgasm and pleasure, but all feelings come from chemicals so I think it's just as valid as an emotion experienced outside the bedroom.

I have a lot of casual sex.

I like to fuck people I don't know very well. I don't do one night stands, but four nights? Mmm. I love exploring a new body, feeling the new bumps and hard places and softness of skin. I like to hear the different ways people moan or gasp or hold their breath or talk in bed. I like having to guess at what's in their head; I like that they can't tell what I'm thinking, that I can enjoy them and enjoy sex without having to give everything away. It's hard for me to guard my face when I'm fucking, but if they don't know how to read it yet, that's fine. I like feeling a physical connection, sharing an experience, laughing and whispering and coming with someone I probably won't see much afterwards.

I like to play with fire.

I get bored in a monogamous relationship. I like to be happy, sure, but I can't just sit still or be complacent. Contented isn't my style. I'm young, I know. I need to get out and get hurt and push things and learn by trial and error, big errors. I like to feel dirty. I like the way it feels to meet someone and just take them home, take off their clothes, let them fuck me. (Yeah, I'm a bottom.) It feels dangerous, it causes trouble, it feels good.

I need to be in a relationship.

I love sharing my bed, coming home to someone at night. When I was little I used to have long talks with my mother as she was tucking me into bed. We were close, and that was our time. I still like to debrief with someone who knows me, who can read my face, who won't take my bullshit. I need to talk things out as I feel them, discuss things as I learn them. I love being close to someone, having a safe place to come back to when I get tired from the fire. I love fucking the same person over and over, knowing their body and loving the familiarity of their responses. Routine and repetition are comforting to me, even sexy. It's a feeling I miss.

I fall in love very easily and somewhat frequently.

I love readily. I care very deeply about other people, and it doesn't take much to make that specific to one person. Love isn't what makes my relationships special. Love doesn't make the difference between a fling and a partner. It's trust. I do not trust easily. I am very reserved; very few people know what I'm actually feeling. If I share, when I stop hiding, that to me is what makes a relationship special, what takes time. The measure of how special you are to me is not how much time I devote to you, how much affection and support I show. It's how much of myself I let you see, how many of my own feelings I invest.