Insatiable

I found the poly community in New York.

Finally!

Of course, what this means is that I've been having a lot more sex lately than I had been in the previous months. It took me a good long time to find a group of people who are all friends and mostly seem to approach sex in the way that I like--respectfully, playfully, and affectionately. But find them I did.

The big bummer of it, though, is that this rediscovered sexual activity has not resulted in that much more sexual or existential satisfaction. It seems that the more sex I get, the more sex I want. I've been leaving bedrooms feeling happy that I just had fun, but not satiated in the least.

One reason for this is that everyone I've been playing with lately is a new partner. They don't know yet the little tricks that make my body work. (Although some have had a faster learning curve than others.) I haven't had a chance yet to communicate about all the things I want, like at least two orgasms in a session (because one really just gets me going), or the occasional scheduled Day o' Sex.

Speaking of which, there also just hasn't been time to devote to having sex the way that I like. My favorite play dates last at least a couple of hours. I like to be languid and absorbed in my fucking and touching and kissing and yum. Everyone in New York is so busy and there's so much here to do that it's hard to find overlapping time in our schedules to go at it like nothing else matters.

So there's all that.

I know, though, that the biggest reason I'm not satisfied is that I haven't yet made the emotional connection I'm looking for. There are a couple of new partners that I really like, or at least think so far that I could really like, but it's just not there yet. I've only been "on the market" for a few weeks. Not enough time to fall in love.

And as much as I love casual sex, as much as I always want new and exciting people and activities in my life, the best sex is always with the people who I love. There's nothing like actually making love, feeling a deep connection with someone on a soul level as we touch each other with our bodies. I just can't get that from someone I barely know, and I can't force it to grow in any way except its own time.

I suppose I'll just have to follow the advice of that old song. I "can't hurry love" and I "just have to wait." At least I'll be having fun in the meantime.

4 comments:

Janvier Morris said...

Hey I saw your blog on Blog Catalog and thought I'd stop in.

I have a question about your sex life.

Why do you see it necessary to have so many [different] sex partners? If satisfaction is what you want and if you admit that it only comes after some sort of relationship, then why continue to become unsatisfied?

I like the blog, keep expressing yourself. I'll be close by.

Paradox said...

Hi, thanks for reading!

That's a good question, especially given the way that I wrote this post.

I've written before about how once I'm in a committed relationship and more satisfied on an emotional level, I actually feel MORE like I want to go out and have exciting sex with new people, rather than less. Being safe and happy and knowing I'm loved and can love back allows me to feel comfortable exploring and taking risks. It also gives me someone to share the rewards and the drawbacks from those risks with. It's nice.

Right now, I don't have that kind of intimacy and so I'm feeling the general dissatisfaction. I am still enjoying having sex with the partners I've got (which isn't actually that many), but I'm definitely missing the emotional closeness. There is at least one of them with whom I'm hoping that develops, though, so it's not like I'm wasting my time. I just have to be patient.

Hope that answers your question.

Janvier Morris said...

I understand. Just doing something in the mean-time till a later time. Gotcha!

Hey I'm writing about an article titled: "How we lose our virginity can affect adult relationships"

I know this is a bit random, but do you have any insight on this topic?

Thanks for responding so quickly. I look forward to the next.

Paradox said...

I suppose it might, but I'd think more in the sense that every relationship we have affects who we are and what we learn about interacting with other people. I don't think the moment of First Penis In Vagina Intercourse (!!) is actually that important, but I do think that our first sexual relationships help set the tone for the rest and that learning about sex and the ways we find to do that are really important.

On living, loving, learning, and fucking with the materials I've got at hand.

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