My Body Image

So I'm obsessing over how I look at lot lately. Not in an "I need to get thin, I'm too fat!" way, but in a "my hair looks weird, I don't feel feminine, I'm in a city so I should be stylish, should I wear more dresses? comparing myself to other women" kind of way. Which makes me feel awfully silly and also very self conscious.

I'm a young woman. For all my feminist leanings and scoffings at the beauty myth, I haven't escaped its clutches. Clutches! It's got me! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!

But seriously, it's driving me crazy. I know it's because I'm alone, away from my friends and all of that. I don't have the solidity within myself to maintain my self-image without other people around and other things to do to distract me. Sad.

I really wish I could just not think about it, not have that lovely running commentary in my head about who is looking at me and what they will think. Because for all that I try to be an independent, confident woman, that is what it's about. What other people are seeing.

Makes me want to rap myself on the back of the knuckles and go "Bad A! No over-valuing the opinions of others! Bad! Bad!"