Boredom

I'm so bored.

I can feel my organs vibrating, when I'm just sitting here in my house, playing a video game. They don't want to sit still like this. If I gave into it, I'd be twitching here on the couch. My face is having trouble staying calm and blank. It wants to scowl.

I feel a bit trapped in this. It's the problem with being here, away from all the people who want something from me. When I'm at school, I have to be busy. They demand that I do things with them. I never have a moment to myself. It seems I like it that way.

Give me too long sitting alone, I get desperate. I can't interact socially because I feel myself forcing it, needing friends, losing confidence. When I need something to do, when I need people, it's like I can't force myself to be casual, calm, friendly. I'm too needy.

I need to smoke pot. It's the only way I can feel content to just sit.