BDSM and Me

I've been fantasizing about being tied up since I was a very young girl. Please don't think that's child-pornographic or anything; at that point they weren't really sexual fantasies, but I definitely had a strange excitement at the idea of being tied to the train tracks like the woman in a cartoon I saw.

These days, when I masturbate, I'm nearly always imagining some kind of restraint. I've got a memory foam mattress topper, and the way my arms sink into it reminds me of the feeling of handcuffs. I like to keep my arms up above my head and just leave my vibrator between my legs, and there's usually some kind of character in my head telling me just how much I can't move and how much I like it.

However, I haven't actually practiced a lot of BDSM. I'm not necessarily into the serious sadomasochism aspects of it (although I do like to be spanked), so I'm always intimidated by the members of the BDSM community. There seems to be a lot of emphasis there on trying everything, pushing your limits, taking things just a little farther. I definitely like to do that, it's kind of my philosophy of life, but when it comes to BDSM I haven't even found my limits yet so I don't feel at all safe pushing them.

I'm also a very motivated, extraverted, dominant person in most of my life. Without going into those BDSM circles where I feel so uncomfortable, I have no idea how to go about finding someone who could or would want to top me. I like to play the tease, kind of fight it for a while, and I have no idea how to negotiate that so that someone will actually throw me down on the bed when they've had enough.

Maybe I've just got to bite the bullet and go forth into BDSM-land and find someone who's interested. I know there's a lot of negotiation and talking that happens there, and I really like that. I do definitely worry, though, that someone more experienced than I am will lose patience with me and either not want to engage with me at all or try to push me too far.