That's so Hardcore, Man!

There's this weird idea that we have as a culture, that there is a scale of sex acts from "normal" to "waaaaaay kinky and degraded and weird." Like drugs, as though sex comes in different doses depending on the act, and that you can develop a tolerance and need More Extreme Sex to maintain your erotic high. You'll keep upping the dosage to stay interested in sex.

I think, though, that basically all sex is created equal. If you've got consent, it's all good. And sure, everyone's turned on more by some things than others. It's just that across the board that all tends to level out and we've got a giant pool of sex acts that are all just sex acts.

Each person is sexually unique, and we all change sexually over time. As we get more comfortable with sex, sure we might want to explore things that we were afraid of before we realized that the social norms are bullshit. But it's not like appreciating one sex act (which may or may not be "extreme") has to affect your appreciation for another.

Like I said, we do all have changing preferences over time, and I think it's all pretty flowy. There are times when I just wanna have sex while spooning because I want closeness and comfort. I want to stare into my partner's eyes and make love like bunnies. There are also times when I want to be tied up in a public bathroom, spanked, and fucked. These desires are not mutually exclusive.

This bleeds into a lot of discourse on sex. You'll hear people saying all the time that they're afraid of exploring their sexuality because "where do you draw the line?" If you watch gay porn, or anal porn, or any fetish porn, or god-forbid-engage-in-any-non-missionary-heterosexual-vanilla-sex-acts, you're starting down a path that will inevitably lead to Bestiality! and Child Molestation! Sex is a slippery slope! (Ahem, so to speak.)

In talks of sex addiction (which I think is mostly bunko), there's the concept that you can be drawn in deeper and deeper to sexuality, as though there is a rote "normal" level of sex and everything else is like heroine: impossible to resist once you've had a taste. I don't want to disrespect anybody who has issues of sexual compulsion, I just think that sex addiction is based way too much on ideas of a norm.

Let's have an attitude adjustment here. Just do what turns you on; it doesn't matter whether it's supposedly kinky or not. We have the ability to choose what we want to do. Our feelings about sex are going to vary hugely from person to person. Do YOU score a 10 on the Richter scale of kink? Who cares? Live your life.


Anonymous said...

Just scanning this post the two words that popped out were "flowy" and "bleeds."
I guess that's just my mindset this week...

On living, loving, learning, and fucking with the materials I've got at hand.

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