Entitlement or The "Coolness" Factor

I've been trying to figure out what it is that draws me to certain people more than others. Being in San Francisco (I guess I'll be writing about that a lot, since I've just moved back to the East and I've got a lot to compare it with) was odd. I was surrounded by people who are progressive, alternative, queer, physically attractive, activist, etc. All the little cues that I'd usually notice and gravitate towards. You know, my "type."

And the gravity just didn't happen that much. I didn't feel that pull in anyone's direction the way that I do all the time here in the East. People my type were everywhere, I was practically spoiled for choice, but the chemistry I rely on almost exclusively to bring me to people didn't show up.

Coming back here, I realized what the difference is.

In San Francisco, the progressive people are cool. If they grew up there, they've been cool their whole lives, because being alt-y is the "in" thing there. They were kings and queens in high school. Here in New York, the alt people have had to struggle a little to be who they are. They've come through being picked on and seen as strange to earn some self confidence. They had to learn that being progressive is awesome. They chose it under duress, not peer pressure.

So that's not to say that I hate cool people. I am very much attracted to self confidence. There's a difference between confidence and entitlement, though. The people who grew up being cool (and doing whatever to fit in) feel like they deserve everything they get and some things they don't.

I don't like to be taken for granted. I grew up as weirdo, I got called a nerd, and then I got called a slut. All that fun stuff. And yeah, I was in the SF Bay Area, but it happened nonetheless. I identify with people who've gone through those things and come out on top. They tend to be nicer.

So it's entitlement that drives me crazy. I can't be drawn to someone who's just expecting me to fall at their feet. I need a little give and take. And here in New York, it's easier to find that in combination with the other artsy qualities I like.