My PMS Needs

I want somebody around that I can fight with.

I haven't had my period in a long time. I think it's because my IUD thins the lining of my uterus, and I just haven't had anything to bleed out. I still have normal hormone cycles, though, and I'm pretty sure that if I had anything to bleed I'd have my period right now. I've got cramps and everything.

And I'm cranky as hell. I want to get into it with someone, just let a little of the chemical crankiness out. Pick a stupid fight.

But I don't feel comfortable picking a fight with someone I'm not close with. Maybe that's fucked up, but generally speaking people I like enough to get close to can take it. They know me better than to take my fight-picking seriously. I mean, rough sex would work, too. I just need some kind of wrassle.

I can't fight with people I'm not close to because in order to fight you have to show emotion. And I just don't do that until I've known someone for a good long time and trust them really, really well. There's no one like that in my life right now.

I need a primary partner. That's just what it comes down to. There are a million reasons. I'd really like someone around to support me while I'm trying to take care of everyone else. I want someone to have regular sex with. I'd like more cuddling in my life. I want to be able to tell some of my secrets.

And I wanna fight. I want the push-pull that only happens when I respect someone enough to care about their opinion. It'd just be fun. I miss it.

1 comments:

oculustigris said...

I can't pick the verbal fights. I've got thick skin, but I can cut people a little to quickly. I like the idea that engaging in conflict with someone requires a bit of vulnerability. That honest conflict for the sake of conflict can be constructive, and requires friendship.

I fight using my body based on similar urges. I have a very close emotional connection with my body, and athletic combat has provided me with a particularly visceral way to interact with it.

I know it's not the same fighting you mean, but it comes from the same place. And I trust my body to do the fighting better, more constructively, than my mouth. As weird as that might sound.

I do agree, though. Rough sex would work, too.

On living, loving, learning, and fucking with the materials I've got at hand.

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