An excerpt:
Catherine Waldby* points out that the hetero-masculine body is defined by its ability to fuck another and its refusal to be fucked. The fuck-er is always the man, and the fuck-ee is, well, anything but a man. This is why we can believe that, when two women get it on, it’s not really fucking (no hetero-masculilne fuck-er) and when a straight guy thinks about being sexual with another guy (a fuck-er), he fears becoming the fuck-ee. When there’s another cock in the room, someone besides the girl might get fucked.Hell fuckin' yeah!
Put another boy in the action, especially if there is only one girl, and suddenly the gendering of fuck-ers and fuck-ees gets, well, fucked up. This is why, when there is group sex involving two men and one woman, straight men have to tell themselves that they’re “taking turns on the girl”. In other words, hands off, bro’. We’re just a coupla straight guys taking turns.
And this is why, with only a few notable (and much appreciated) exceptions, I don’t know any straight guys who would ever consider, let alone have, really hopped in bed with their girlfriends and another guy or with a straight couple (and by ‘really’, I mean not-just-taking-turns-on-the-girl ‘really’). Rather than resonating with normative heterosexuality, especially hetero-masculilnity, it throws a rather large wrench in the hetero-normative gears. In other words, it’s really quite queer and no longer mimics and reproduces that old myth of masculine sexual power and feminine sexual vulnerability.
Which is precisely why Catherine Waldby calls for feminists to develop and proliferate new cultural narratives and sexual experiences that eroticize a receptive masculinity. Images and experiences where no longer are boys automatically fuck-ers (in power, the destroyer) and girls fuck-ees (the destroyed). Not only would this open up possibilities for feminine sexual power as fuck-ers, but it would also open up the wonderful world of being fucked to straight men. As Waldby points out, straight men are missing out by not allowing themselves to be the fuck-ee once in awhile. It’s deeply pleasurable to be “destroyed” (in a good way) by erotic pleasure, something most straight guys don’t get to experience. And this isn’t just about straight men becoming more receptive. It’s also about straight women being open to eroticizing a receptive masculinity in their own desire.
My favorite line from Waldby’s essay is the following: “Maybe what…feminism needs now is a strap-on.” (p. 275)
Yeah, feminism and every straight woman I know.
This is just completely spot-on when it comes to male sexuality and its supposed rigidity. It's all tied in with gender roles and male privilege, and it's all utterly ridiculous.
As a happy feminist, very little turns me on more than a guy who's willing to play with "fuck-er" and "fuck-ee" roles. I want a guy who can do a little gender fuck. It's damn hot, and hard to find. Especially in straight men, who are unfortunately usually the ones attracted to me. You know, by definition.
I've had a threesome with two men that was just ridiculously sexy because they were both queer and into each other and we all got to play equally. I loved watching them make out, watching them go down on each other. I got to engage sexually with them both and nobody was left out. It was just a hot pile of limbs and energy.
More people should do it, I highly recommend it.
Note: I linked to this post from the Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy, hosted this month at Susie Bright's blog.
3 comments:
I just found your blog recently and I adore it. I had to get that out first.
Also, this queer experience of an open and receptive MMF threesome is something that more people should experience. I wonder how many women really want it, though? I always have to remind myself that rigid definitions of masculinity aren't perpetuated just by men. Women have a stake in it too and a dangerous ability to cut down and derride a man that steps out of line.
Such great food for thought here. Thank you.
Thanks, I love a good buttering up!
You're definitely right that a lot of women enforce gender roles as much as men do. I was remiss in making it all about male sexuality.
I know plenty of straight girls who would "ewwwww" at the idea of two guys together even though they make out with their friends. I guess I'm hoping they'll figure out that if one guy is sexy, two guys together are, as they say in Kissing Jessica Stein, "double sexy!"
I think everyone's sexuality would benefit if all the people in the world questioned the norms and gave themselves room for new kinds of expression. Especially when it comes to breaking down gender roles.
but it would also open up the wonderful world of being fucked to straight men.
Ab. So. Lutely.
The thing is, the standard gender-role/homophobic panic expectation that the man is always supposed to be the penetrator, the dominant, emotionally in control, etc robs mean of plenty of physical/sexual pleasure, but it also robs men of a hell of a lot of emotional fulfillment too.
I mean, hey, prostate orgasms are awesome ... but being able to actually hug your best friend without feeling like you need to tag 'no homo' on is pretty awesome too ... and so is being able to openly cry at a movie.
It all comes from the same source, of course, the absurdly stratified traditional gender roles, dictating what is properly male and properly female ... and yeah, women do have it worse (IMO), but that's not to say that men have it all that great.
---Myca
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